Finding My Self

A while ago I was a teacher. That was another life, another place and a different state. I lost that bit of me for quite some time. I lost my confidence, strength, hobbled by unrequited dreams, stumbling back to where I began.

This is dangerous place, where beauty lies beneath a veneer of vulnerability and egos loom larger than life. Yet, this is where I found myself, stretching to regain what I had thought to have lost. I threw myself into exercising and thought with a righteous schedule all would come. Or, that is what my teachers preached.

As I pushed my body forward I found my mind and integrity had fallen back. I picked up old habits and justified them in foggy thoughts. I was once an alcoholic, but that was also a different life and different time.

When I was a teacher, I was a volunteer in a foreign country. I took pride in learning with my students. It came natural for me to say, “I don’t know, but we can find out,” when asked questions I knew no answer for. I enjoyed my ignorance. At the time a colleague said he was trying to find himself. I thought, how can you lose yourself? But I was ignorant.

It’s easy.

To lose yourself, you simply let go, to do as you please. An alcoholic drinks, a dreamer sleeps and I….. loved. But, I’m a poet, or so I found.

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